I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
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when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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