He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
