does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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