whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
