that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
