He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize