who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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