By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
