I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
