first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
