I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
