I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
