Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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