so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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