Rock
Scissors
Fuck
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
