2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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