he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
