I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if only i could text you this smell
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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