He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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