Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
