remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
