had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
