very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i believe in u and ur pee
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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