Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
