i think my tv is drunk
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
