Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Quick, to the slutcave!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
