he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
