he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
