I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize