Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dicks are not precious.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize