Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
