when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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