I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
