Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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