I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
