I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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