i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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