I think scott just propositioned me for sex
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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