Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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