could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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