just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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