you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
