i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i came on her dog
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
