In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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