I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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