I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
