I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
