So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
