It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
