I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
