mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Everclear isn't food dammit
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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