First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
