I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize