Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i now understand why vodka
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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