Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
