Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
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The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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