I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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