u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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