Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
