The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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