Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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