8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
