Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
