im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
