I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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