Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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